


two broke idiots

by cosmea



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Humor, Mammon and Reader are two dumbasses that dine and dash, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmea/pseuds/cosmea
Summary: the time mammon takes you out for a meal but has no money.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	two broke idiots

**Author's Note:**

> this was a ko-fi commission for tumblr user lucifan-rad, who requested platonic!mammon and mc being general dumbasses who dined & dashed!! hope y'all enjoy!

_I’m never eating desserts again._

You slump over in your seat, silently vowing to go to bed as soon as you got home to sleep off the food coma you had put yourself in.

Your eyes wander over to Mammon sitting across from you, who doesn’t even bother to glance at the bill before he nonchalantly slides it over to you. He had a smile on his face nearly all day – preening himself at the fact that Lucifer allowed him to wander into the human world without a chaperone. Although you had pointed out that you were probably the chaperone in this situation, he waved it off without a care.

“I thought you had it.” Your brow furrows as you flick the bill back to him.

His jaw slackens. You sit up when he hisses, “What’d ya mean, you thought I ‘ _had_ ’ it? When do I _ever_ have money?!”

Your face pales. “Crap, you’re right.” Then you remember your earlier conversation and rose from your chair. “Wait a second… you said it was _your_ treat today! That’s why I didn’t bring my wallet, because you _insisted_ on paying for everything, because you owe me-” Your voice gradually gets louder, and he clamps a hand over your mouth to shut you up.

“Shh! Do ya want us to get caught?!” Your glare was enough to make him pull his hand from your face, and you discreetly glance around as you sit back down. People hadn’t noticed your argument yet. It wasn’t an expensive restaurant or anything, but the two of you had racked up a high price from eating every dessert on the menu – a feat that would’ve made Beelzebub proud.

Your voice drops to a whisper as you speak again, “Maybe we can text one of your brothers, like Asmo–”

“HELL NO!” Mammon whisper-yells, and you feel a few stares burning a hole into your back from people at other tables. “They’ll just make fun of us– scratch that, they’ll make fun of _me_!”

“What are we gonna do then?” You slide down in your chair again, far enough that your chin rests against the table.

“Fine. I got a way. I ain’t sayin’ I do this _often_ , but…” You raise an eyebrow. Mammon sputters and turns his head away. “Alright! Fine! I do it more than most people! But we don’t have a choice!”

You sit up, leaning forward across the table. “You mean…?” Meeting his eyes, he nods gravely.

Breaking eye contact, you survey your surroundings again. Lucifer was _so_ going to kill you both if he ever found out about this. “…No, I have a better way. Wait here.” You nod to yourself as you got to your feet and head to the restroom.

 _Shit._ There is only one window amongst the row of cubicles, set high into the wall, almost reaching the ceiling. It was a big window however, and you were sure you could fit through it if you could only _reach_ it. You push open all the cubicles, ensuring that nobody was inside the room. Pulling out your phone, you text Mammon to join you in your escape attempts.

Mammon enters the restroom minutes later, to find you jumping up and down, desperately reaching your arms out to try and grab the window ledge before you reached the ground. A few times your fingers had grazed the ledge, but you are yet to be successful in climbing up.

“Wh- What are ya doin’?” Mammon asks as he slowly backs towards the door again. “Maybe I should leave ya to… do whatever you’re doin’…” He reaches out for the door and freezes as you call his name.

“Boost me up! I swear I can reach it!” With a grumble, he approaches you to give you a hand.

You both end up getting caught for making too much noise after many attempts of trying to get to the window. As you two wash the dishes in the café’s kitchen and waited for a very angry Lucifer to bail you out of the situation, you turn to Mammon and scowl.

_“I’m never hanging out with you again.”_

-


End file.
